I noticed the fluid was blood-tinged, but I was too drugged to be terribly concerned. The Journey The next morning - I know it was morning because I could see the sunlight from windows in my room - I was trying to get my bearings when a strange feeling came over me. I closed my eyes. At first I felt a coldness in my legs, then it slowly moved up my body. Next I felt no pain. I could no longer feel the respirator breathing for me. I no longer felt my three large incisions, nor was I any longer aware of having my hands tied to the bed. It was as if none of what had happened to me existed. All the tubes and drains, all the machines and noise were gone. Once the coldness covered me completely, a feeling of peace, comfort, and love enveloped me. I had never felt anything like this before. There are no words to describe just how I felt. Then, someone started to talk to me. I say "He" but there was no gender or form to the presence. "He" explained what had gone wrong and just how sick I was. I had wanted to end my life before the surgery because of all the pain, disability, and depression. "He" let me know that "He" was aware of how hard I had fought. "He" was satisfied and assured me I could also be satisfied that I had tried my best. "He" offered me a choice and had come to show me what death was like and that there was nothing of which to be afraid. The way I was feeling at that moment would be how I would feel for eternity. The pain and suffering would be over. I could rest if I were to go with him. The feeling was so wonderful, so peaceful, so calm, so perfect. Alternatively, I could return to the world of the living and work my way through the pain and long recovery. It was made clear to me that nothing else would go wrong, if that were my choice. I was overwhelmed by this wonderful state. There was no way I was going to turn my back on it. Yes, I was ready to go! Yes, I had had enough! Yes, I had fought the best fight I could and was more than willing to follow and enjoy this fantastic new experience. I was instructed to just close my eyes and follow. Funny, they were already closed, but I visualized them closing in my mind.