Many times we as nurses may have pondered life after death, be it in reference to our patients or ourselves. The name of the higher presence may differ, but most religions are based upon the notion that our souls go somewhere after we leave our human forms. I have participated in codes for patients in the ED and I've wondered what might be happening to them as they enter the realm between life and death. Are near-death experiences real? Are there second chances? I wonder no more. On Aug. 25, 1998, I had spinal surgery to correct flatback syndrome, a condition caused by the Harrington rods that were placed in my spine 20 years ago to correct scoliosis. The surgery was scheduled to last about 10 to 12 hours, but things didn't go as planned. Five hours into the surgery, something went wrong. I had been taking large doses of several arthritis medications and injectable steroids preoperatively. Most likely because of these drugs I started to bleed heavily. To stabilize me the physicians gave me large amounts of fluids. When it was all over, I had received nine liters of normal saline and 15 units of blood, platelets, albumin, and fresh-frozen plasma. Still my heart rate was 240 beats per minute and my blood pressure was only 70 on palpation. My lungs filled with fluid, and I was in fulminating pulmonary edema. My physicians had to stop the procedure and were unsure whether I would survive. Several hours after the surgery, I awoke intubated to hear a full description of what had happened and that I was in critical condition. Luckily, before I heard this discussion I had already wiggled my toes and moved my fingers and had assured myself I was okay. Listening to the graphic description was rather shocking, but I felt fairly well and went back to sleep. I awoke many times that night choking on the fluid in my lungs, in need of suctioning.